I don’t mean to be cruel But the way that you do me Isn’t quite friendly in the least See I’m not the middle man And I’m not your garbage can So why bother pretending Like I couldn’t see that It’s all in the way You couldn’t say “Hi” without “Hey, could you do me a favor?” Cuz that’s what friends are for, anyways Well, I’ve always been the nice guy Thinking that I might try Reaching for your hand Laying out the olive branch But since you can’t use a branch To get you another chance To climb higher up the social ladder You still wanted something better Beggar You’re a beggar So you ain’t getting’ nothing more Than scraps falling from the table Why don’t you open up and swallow down Look at you You’ve got everything to prove Can’t walk a mile in your own shoes Too busy taking, taking Thank you Pick and choose Wading through folks fake as you Trying to find something to loose Too busy taking, taking Thank you On this laptop I left A stupid away message About how angry I am But nobody reads them anyways So I laid this song down To keep from cussing you out The next time I see You on the street Complaining ‘bout how Nothing ever quite seems to fit You whiny little…. Almost let that slip Bite my lip and turn and walk away Go You wanted a ride Cuz you’re not inside Well, I won’t be comin’ round to get you this time So sit there alone You know there’s nobody home And I won’t be coming around To get you This time, you ain’t gonna find me I’m not coming around There’s no use in saying “sorry” now

I bet you think that it’s easy being enlightened But it’s really a cross we have to bear (Putting up with the rest of you) Incompetency is always surrounding me I smoke a pack a day Just to clear out my brain From your incessant questioning And still you come to me With your itty bitty dreams And your get-rich-quick pyramid schemes But the reality’s that I don’t care what you think And I don’t care what you see Your opinions don’t matter much to me Cuz I’m the belle of the ball With three degrees on my wall I’m a bonafide intellectual And some still look at me as if I’m crazy But if you can’t stand the heat all I can say Is “Get out of the kitchen, babe” I bet you wish you were me In the intelligentsia But we’re such an exclusive club So leave your resume And we’ll be in touch If you’re good enough To carve a niche with all the glamorous execs And sign the big fat bonus checks Until then, you know that… And it’s clear now That we can’t keep on this way But I fear it’s too late to change So harvest the wheat And burn all the chaff Sweep it away And bury the ashes in silence While we pray to God But he clearly is not listening And so we just are going to have To act in his place

Well they say that I don’t enunciate When I step up on the stage So just shoot me And my mistakes are too easily displayed By expressions on my face But somehow I can get away With imperfections When the bass is leakin’ out the speakers Cuz it’s all about the big picture When you listen to this here Rock and roll kinda music So, Tyler Take a look at all our faults Like we’re in Hollywood And stack us up with all the big boys, but If you take the time to analyze You’ll find we’re not that good So can sit back, relax, and enjoy the noise This ain’t bubble gum That’s me chewing on my tongue And if you’ve got a problem with it You better take the exit out Because it’s me And until somebody pays I ain’t ever gonna change my ways It’s all the same When people play that game Of pin the donkey on the tail Because it’s 1, 3, 4, 5, 6 In the progression It’s simple, but effective To keep the people dancing So put down the Downbeat magazine And I think that maybe you might see What you’re missing Take it from me This is not our 9 to 5 Working hard just to stay alive We just try to make you smile If you don’t like it, change the dial Put down your Downbeat magazine And maybe you’d see what I mean We play this way because we’ve got to

She was asking me a simple question I said I was fine, under the circumstances And maybe confidence is key to making everything Come off authentically But each cut’s deep when you’re already bleeding Lost in the whirlpool of circular reasoning I stayed up for half the night Thinking of why I get so tired all the time And now I suspect I’m just narcoleptic Or just unemployed I’ve learned to be content with being uncontent A blessing or a curse, either way its wonderful See everybody has their price and I set mine too high I’ve learned to let it slide I’m happy as I am… as unhappy as I am I stayed up for half the night Thinking of why I get so tired all the time And now I suspect I’m just narcoleptic Or just unemployed … or just paranoid if being alone

Wasted and still you keep High GPA and BAC How could it be? 23, a PhD and still the life of the party An Asian with no sense of moderation Drank the whole handle for a standing ovation And peed it out, on the couch In your sleep, but you see.. There’s no need to panic Destroy the evidence Walk out the back entrance Then write a confessional She drinks and drives on cruise control Her seat reclined, that’s how she rolls Her t-shirt keeps tabs on the toll 15 guys… and 7 hos Ten drinks in and the rooms still spinnin’ You’ve got a hankerin’ for burnin somethin’ Lit a cross in the quad And set off a racial PR jihad Now there’s cameras flashin’, chain reaction The public’s angry and they need satisfaction What are you gonna do? You just keep drinking with your friends Till its through Singing, “Jaeger bombs, sluts! Let’s blow a line in the kitchen!” We were born the same day On different pathways I went right and she went left I was the preacher’s kid While she’s gettin’ high and cheatin’ death Cuz in her eyes it’s a matter of principle To spend your life trying to prove you’re invincible No need to panic She’s Little Miss Blackout

Don’t cry over spilled milk You won’t last the day And don’t fight for the big bills Well, that’s what you say But I recognize Dollar signs in your eyes So please keep your hands Where I can see them They call this a blessing But it’s a curse to me I’m tired of confessing That I’d play for free On most any stage Just rig up the PA Hand me a microphone I’ll perform till the daylight breaks But these empty pockets cry for change We may not quite look like rock stars So just trust me… we are Guitar-swinging professionals Born to be icons A calling, you see To be sonically free But each show has a fee, man So why don’t you please pay us? Don’t fight with the old friends That write bad reviews And don’t cry when the sound man Gets more cash than you Cuz deep underneath He’d give a leg to be Rocking on stage In your place And don’t think since I ‘ve got a smile on my face That everything we do is just fun and games We’ve spent hours in Little rooms, practicin’ Catchy grooves that the youth Can shake their booties to Wouldn’t you say That deserves compensation? And I don’t see free drinks as currency Please pay attention To our simple demands All we ask is for what we are due I guess I should mention That we work with our hands And these instruments merely are tools That we use Because money makes the world go round Its so sad to say But its true

You came into this small town And at first seemed unaware How that ebony skin and double Ds Can make everybody stare You left your boyfriend home But kept him on a string Cuz he’d give you everything Even twice gave you his ring And each time You’d tell him “No,” but you’d kiss him So he’d feel there’s still a chance While you’d sneak out late with other men But when your sultry pout Wrinkles up your mouth And you’ve tarnished those pearly whites When that rack droops down Twenty years from now You’ll see what the real world’s like You don’t pay parking tickets Cuz you smooth talk to the cops And you get free cappuccinos At the local coffee shop It seems with just a wink and wiggle you receive Almost anything you please Except the one thing you need: a lobotomy. To extract out all that bullshit That makes you think you’re a star While they fight for bragging rights down at the bar But when your sultry pout Wrinkles up your mouth And you’ve tarnished those pearly whites When you’re all stretched out Thirty years from now You’ll see what the real world’s like You said that you’d marry for security Cuz there’s no guarantee on love But when your sugar daddy sees you hit thirty You’ll be tossed out for some younger desperate broad When your sultry pout Wrinkles up your mouth And you’ve tarnished those pearly whites When your hair falls out Forty years from now You’ll see what the real world’s like

She pressed her fanciest dress for this Now drenched, all covered in sweat and beer, my dear Synaptic reflex is all she has Catholic pretense left beside the bed She said “Pretty boys send pretty girls to hell, But I can’t resist, I guess I might as well.” Sweetheart, don’t you say the darndest things to me? Follow me back to my room and we’ll see what they mean I swear I’d seen more class in Motel 6 doormats As she screamed at me To go buy her an aspirin, I just sat laughing and asked her to leave Cuz the fact of the matter is I don’t like taking out trash, anyways There’s the door, pack your bags Find a spot by the dumpster and wait

They say you reside In sun and sky And sneak on by Where time wraps in circles and unwinds Far too quick to catch a glimpse Until I caught you looking in my life A split-second shadow on the tip of my tongue And now they force the key I left only to turn in your hand Should you come around again The lines between unreal and unseen Are too fine for me Would you come around again? No more middle men No charlatans No more government interpretations Just speak for yourself, I swear we’re listening It’s just so hard making sense out of what you can’t envision And why leave the dark when the light’s just as blinding anyway? And the wisest fools Sang of all they knew And we liked the tunes Wishing they were true

11pm And luggin these heavy amps again I stop to rest my tired hands And think of how I’d rather leave them Right here in the garbage can Because it doesn’t make a lick of sense how I could spend so much time Doing all of this When people wouldn’t give a dime to hear me sing Much of anything It’s like I live in a mystery So beautiful And out of focus So, is this how we grow? I don’t know But if we fall tonight I won’t sit here weak and teary-eyed Because I’ve already looked back on tomorrow And tomorrow looks just fine Sippin eight ounces From a skinny little metal can And it cost me two-fifty Took me every last cent just to pay for it And then I slipped and spilled it on the pavement Maybe I’ll never be anything more Than an amateur But that’s ok by me It’s like I’m painting a masterpiece Step off of the stage As the spotlight slowly fades away And my mind keeps concentrating on My stupid little jokes And that string of wrong notes I played Until a person that I’ve never met Says “Hey could you play that song again? Cuz there was something I was feelin’ in it, man” And I see that I’m still living my fantasy Secret Track: Chicks and Elephants Way back in the era of the biblical times A man named John the Baptist walked the countryside He hit up all the cities with a message so clear “Brace yourself, chumps, cuz Messiah is near” The people came out by the hundreds to see What John had to say and get dipped in the sea Until he talked smack ‘bout the king and his wife They didn’t find it funny… locked him up for life Poor little John, all in shackles and chains Until a guard unlocked him to take him away See, the princess requested his sentence should end He thought he had a pardon, she said “off with his head” The moral of the story is that girls don’t forget Cuz he thought that this time, she might be nice Cut a little slack and let his ass off the line And that’s what he gets No disrespect, but chicks and elephants are never gonna forget Fast forward just a couple centuries A man named John Bobbitt did the very same thing He cheated on his wife and even showed her the proof See, John was pretty much a big bag of douche One night John came back late from drinking with friends He told his wife to give him some lovin’ and man, She must’ve seemed kinda kinky bringing a knife to bed He thought he had a pardon, she said off with his head Wiseman or douchebag, it really don’t matter If you mess around with chicks, they put your head on a platter