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lyrics

Baby, this is an invention on behalf of all your friends
You’re such a bitch, we’ve gotten quite concerned
You’re anti-social, anti-fun, and anti-copulation
Unless it’s with GTL-ish d-bag men

And you can’t hide your face under sheets of cellophane
It’s like you’re way too smart to keep this up
But you’re too far gone to change

There’s over a million ways
Not to be a bitch
But you passed them all
And you jumped the wall
Into the great beyond

That’s right
And if you need a couple pointers, here’s some friendly advice
Don’t offer to take off your top
Unless you really plan to follow through
And don’t ditch your girlfriends who came out with you
Don’t ask a single guy that you just met
If he has any single friends
That’s rude, rest assured that dude
Won’t highly recommend you

Though he may not have class
In the way you say you have
I bet he won’t put out for sketchy men
In Brooklyn taxi cabs, Bonnie

There’s over a million ways
Not to be a bitch
But you passed them all
And you jumped the wall
Into the great beyond
Please don’t take the words I say as chauvinist
I’m just trying to help you get over yourself
Don’t take it personal

You’re a six at your best, little lady
And both your roommates are seven and a half
So there’s no excuse to be acting so crazy
You can take that middle finger and go shove it up your candy ass
I can guarantee that my size thirteens
Would be far worse than that

credits

from Seriously, Though​.​.​., released August 1, 2012

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